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Bloody Valentines - ignore it at your peril?
golden oldie
(342 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 13:12
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She’ll say it’s a waste of money, it’s a Hallmark gimmick, flowers are rip-off that week, she’d prefer some help around the house rather than a box of chocolates (but maybe not instead of ) , you to cook for one night than go out for a ‘special menu’ dinner that night.
You know it’s a dare.
Better join all the rest of the sheep and hope it will get you off the housework. Card, then one or more of dinner, champagne, chocolate, perfume, jewellery, where does it stop.
‘Fleadhs ye and buys ye chips’ or shower them with gifts?
uptheyard
(59 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 13:25
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Originally posted by golden oldie:
Bloody Valentines - ignore it at your peril?
Get home from work early.Set the lighting in the bedroom, turn down the bed, throw all dirty jocks, socks etc in the wash basket. Run her a bath. Supply candles & all the nessecary extras, glass of wine etc. While she is in the bath, put the takeaway on to some plates, and lock the bedroom door. She should be sitting down in her dressing gown. When ye are finished dinner, clean the table off, give her a little shoulder massage and lead her to the bed room. Give her your A-game for about 1-2 hours so she is absolutly boll*ksed. Sleep like a baby.
Total cost = €20 chinese, €15 bottle of wine.
P.S. your A game needs to be top quality so do some research before hand. No holding back
chewfáile
(698 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 13:40
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Originally posted by uptheyard:
Get home from work early.Set the lighting in the bedroom, turn down the bed, throw all dirty jocks, socks etc in the wash basket. Run her a bath. Supply candles & all the nessecary extras, glass of wine etc. While she is in the bath, put the takeaway on to some plates, and lock the bedroom door. She should be sitting down in her dressing gown. When ye are finished dinner, clean the table off, give her a little shoulder massage and lead her to the bed room. Give her your A-game for about 1-2 hours so she is absolutly boll*ksed. Sleep like a baby.
Total cost = €20 chinese, €15 bottle of wine.
P.S. your A game needs to be top quality so do some research before hand. No holding back
1 - 2 hours? That`s more like an A, B, C, D and E game chief. The whole thing is all a load of rollix and shall be treated as such chez moi. The bottle of wine sounds good though.
Garda Sean Horgan
(Power User)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 13:47
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Originally posted by uptheyard:
lead her to the bed room. Give her your A-game for about 1-2 hours so she is absolutly boll*ksed. Sleep like a baby.
P.S. your A game needs to be top quality so do some research before hand. No holding back
1 to 2 hours !!! Of your `A` game !!! Are you off your head?
If you start going down the 1-2 hours route and that will be expected to be the norm. If you are on top form then that will also be expected to be the norm.
From that day on if you last 20 minutes you`ll be branded a failure and asked why you can`t go the 2 hours.
If you`re more of a penguin than a bucking bronco then that will also be critised !
If you keep it at 15 minutes then you`re saving 1 hour 45 minutes 4 times a week, which is a full days work saved !
Thats 2 rounds of golf or 3 movies and the list just goes on and on.
If I was you, I`d be aiming for the 15 minute mark and keeping an eye on the watch and then sleep.
You`re only damaging your own lifestyle otherwise.
Also, by doing this, she will tell her friends and they will attack their "15 minute man" at home. He doesn`t deserve this abuse. Do mankind a favour. Turn off the phone Thursday night, satay in town and dont` ring home and then on Friday evening come home wrecked and say "Did I miss something, you look cranky, it doesn`t suit you".
Yours in relationship smarts,
GSH.
sam
(8,946 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 14:28
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They were just saying on the radio how terrible it is to be single on valentines day? ... bollix to that it`s the best day to be single. load of jaysus rubbish.
Superstar Tradesman
(143 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 15:37
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Originally posted by Garda Sean Horgan:
4 times a week
Listen to fcukin Dirk Diggler ...
clarem
(809 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 15:48
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Originally posted by sam:
They were just saying on the radio how terrible it is to be single on valentines day? ... bollix to that it`s the best day to be single. load of jaysus rubbish.
Was thinking of heading for a few after work on Thursday, but then remembered that it`s Valentine`s Day - don`t want to be surrounded by fawning couples...
uptheyard
(59 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 15:56
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Your A Game should not involve you humping her like a f**kin dog for 1-2 hours. I dont think that I can go into the graphic details on this site, but 15 - 20 mins massage, foreplay 10 mins, round 1 15 mins, 5 - 10 min breather. Thats one hour killed. Tie her up for a while (her hands, with silk, not her neck with rope ) produce some strawberries, cream etc, put them places that you probably shouldnt etc etc etc. 2 hiurs will be killed in no time.
She wont expect this everynight, and it shows that you did something other then buying her a card and she will be all over you, simply because all you`ll be hearing is "ahhhhhhhh, that was fu+king amazing, where did you learn that" and you lie back with your chest pumped out like your after cleaning Shefflin in the All ireland (or wjhatever makes you proud ) and say, " I thought I would give you a special treat for valentines this year, should I not of?"
Up da Crokes!
(567 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 16:00
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Originally posted by uptheyard:
simply because all you`ll be hearing is "ahhhhhhhh, that was fu+king amazing, where did you learn that"
More like: Who the HELL did you learn that from?
Flog
(1,112 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 16:02
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Originally posted by uptheyard:
Your A Game should not involve you humping her like a f**kin dog for 1-2 hours. I dont think that I can go into the graphic details on this site, but 15 - 20 mins massage, foreplay 10 mins, round 1 15 mins, 5 - 10 min breather. Thats one hour killed. Tie her up for a while (her hands, with silk, not her neck with rope ) produce some strawberries, cream etc, put them places that you probably shouldnt etc etc etc. 2 hiurs will be killed in no time.
She wont expect this everynight, and it shows that you did something other then buying her a card and she will be all over you, simply because all you`ll be hearing is "ahhhhhhhh, that was fu+king amazing, where did you learn that" and you lie back with your chest pumped out like your after cleaning Shefflin in the All ireland (or wjhatever makes you proud ) and say, " I thought I would give you a special treat for valentines this year, should I not of?"
Jasus, we have Don Juan DeMarco on AFR, thanks for the advice, now give us a few bars of "To all the Girls i`ve loved before"
treaty_exile
(829 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 16:06
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please tell me there`s a thread started on WOL about this?
KF, Bandage, Boltok????
Bodach an Cóta Lachna
(409 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 16:07
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***Stunned AFR members and lurkers think it through, consider everything that could and would go wrong with the scenario, including the abuse for filthying the sheets, the knee to the jaw for attempting to put that strawberry any such place etc and reach for the Golden pages under `Chinese restaurants`.**
AnReiteoir
(Power User)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 16:23
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Originally posted by Bodach an Cóta Lachna:
***Stunned AFR members and lurkers think it through, consider everything that could and would go wrong with the scenario, including the abuse for filthying the sheets, the knee to the jaw for attempting to put that strawberry any such place etc and reach for the Golden pages under `Chinese restaurants`.**
Lads, this is top notch stuff. Good laugh to be had reading this.
clarem
(809 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 16:27
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Originally posted by AnReiteoir:
Lads, this is top notch stuff. Good laugh to be had reading this.
Great stuff, another legendary AFR moment has been born...
uptheyard
(59 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 16:38
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Originally posted by Bodach an Cóta Lachna:
***Stunned AFR members and lurkers think it through, consider everything that could and would go wrong with the scenario, including the abuse for filthying the sheets, the knee to the jaw for attempting to put that strawberry any such place etc and reach for the Golden pages under `Chinese restaurants`.**
Your giving too many negative vibes. If ye have nothing to hide i.e. you are not dosing the hot chic at work, give it a lash on valentines night. Obviously if you are normally `2 stroke O Rourke` it would look a bit suspicious, but again, if you have nothing to hide. When you have the deed done, walk around with the stupidest smile on your face the day after, and keep giving her strange looks. Garanteed 60% drop in nagging, giving out etc. She wont know what the f**k is going on. She will be baffled. Spring it on her and rattle her. If ya cant do it to your missus, you`ll end up in jail for doing it to someone else
Bodach an Cóta Lachna
(409 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 17:15
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**Lurkers and members pause mid chinese restaurant browse as they hear UTY`s words, a swelling feeling of Carpe Diem/You`re only young once/sure isn`t she watching Mistresses and Durty Housewives every Thursday and me at training/Feck the loss!, button up the coats, switch off the PCs and run off to Dunnes at the double to snag a punnet of American strawberries and four litres of Ben and Jerry`s** Mna na hEireann hear us roar!!
timmyhickey
(43 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 17:26
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lonely souls day?
worst day of the year? i beg to differ. best night of the year. last day of Mary I/ LIT rag week. tell me again where the bad part is?
Superstar Tradesman
(143 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 17:59
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Originally posted by uptheyard:
Tie her up for a while (her hands, with silk, not her neck with rope )
Possibly the funniest sentence I`ve ever read on AFR, on arguably the funniest thread. Good job you qualified that or there`d be a lot of us going the way of Joe O`Reilly on Friday morning.
eamonn
(3,071 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 21:10
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Here`s a question. What do you do if she happens to be in her moons on V day?
gola
(1,483 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 21:42
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Originally posted by eamonn:
Here`s a question. What do you do if she happens to be in her moons on V day?
bring her to that new daniel day lewis film that`s in the running for oscars......
jay sherman 2
(79 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 22:00
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for f*cks sake, look at all these tossers trying to make out that they are superhuman athletes when pouring the pork to their woman.
absolutely pathetic......................
anyway every self respecting swordsman knows that 3 & a half hours is industry standard.
Superstar Tradesman
(143 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 22:25
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Originally posted by eamonn:
Here`s a question. What do you do if she happens to be in her moons on V day?
Get her to blow you.
beaugosse
(637 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 23:04
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Originally posted by uptheyard:
Your giving too many negative vibes. If ye have nothing to hide i.e. you are not dosing the hot chic at work, give it a lash on valentines night. Obviously if you are normally `2 stroke O Rourke` it would look a bit suspicious, but again, if you have nothing to hide. When you have the deed done, walk around with the stupidest smile on your face the day after, and keep giving her strange looks. Garanteed 60% drop in nagging, giving out etc. She wont know what the f**k is going on. She will be baffled. Spring it on her and rattle her. If ya cant do it to your missus, you`ll end up in jail for doing it to someone else
You`re some man Uptheyard! Fair play. Im only a young lad myself but sure give me time!
Btw- easily the funniest thread ive ever read on AFR. Where do yis get the expressions from at all? My bros in the army and picks up a few ones and I always use them on my travels. Always have foreign anglophones in stiches. Nobody has funnier phrases than the irish.
JHume
(3,067 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 23:51
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Old romantics that we are, we`re having a club meeting at 7.30pm.
Texted 15 committee members earlier today and only got one cry off - and it wasn`t Valentine`s Day related.
DavidO'Carlo/Wex
(3,449 Posts)
Posted:
12-Feb-2008 23:57
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Got the missus to be a box of chocs (in a heart-shape naturally, 7.99-aprox. in Tescos Clondalkin....think they`re called Milka Pralines & yes I want to milk her` pralines! ) plus an 18.99 double-box of Christina Aguilera Eau De Parfum & Shower-Gel in the local pharmacy. All I`ve to do now is learn how to write "Happy Valentines` Day". In Polish. & get her to understand English. Gonna be plucking up the courage all-day Thursday. Might even have a snifter at lunch for a bit of Dutch Gold.
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