Hi ref, how's your dog?
Ref: What do you mean? I don't have a dog.
Fan: That's strange. You're the first blind man I've ever met that doesn't have a guide dog! - Roscommon fan after the controversial 1980 All-Ireland final

How would you know a Cork footballer? He's the one who thinks that oral sex is just talking about it. - John B.Keane

I used to think it was great being a wee nippy corner forward, but it's better now being a big, fat one. - Ollie Murphy

They shot the wrong Michaell Collins - Ollie Murphy to referee Michael Collins after Donegal beat Meath in a championship game.

He'll regret this to his dying day, if he lives that long. - Dublin fan after Charlie Redmond missed a penalty in the 1994 All-Ireland final.

Hurry up and make a decision, ref. I have to go home to bale the hay!
- The late Michael Young during a club game in Derry as the ref dithered about whether to award a penalty.

Now listen lads, I'm not happy with our tackling. We're hurting them but they keep getting up. - John B.Keane ventures into coaching

You're young Kearins, from Sligo. I presume you expect to go back to Sligo this evening.
Mickey Kearins: Hopefully.
McCormack: Well, if you don't pass the mark, you have a fair chance of
getting back. - Paddy McCormack (digging a hole along the ground with his boot):

Eugene McGee: Well, what happened
Offaly player late for training: Oh, the wheel fell off my mobile home.

Mick Holden (seriously late for training on a Saturday morning): I was coming across town and I was stopped by the guards. They said I was a match for one of the guys that pulled the big bank robbery yesterday.
Kevin Heffernan: Really?
Holden: No, but it sounds so much better than saying I slept it out.

Meath are like Dracula. They're never dead till there's a stake through their heart. - Martin Carney

Behind every Galway player there is another Galway player. - Meath fan at the 2001 All-Ireland final.

When Joe Brolly is winning, he's objectionable. When he's blowing kisses, he's highly objectionable. - Cavan fan

He wouldn't see a foul in a henhouse. - Frustrated Sligo fan's judgement of the ref after the 2002 Connacht final.

There are two things in Ireland that would drive you to drink. GAA referees would drive you to drink and the price of drink would drive you to drink. -Another Sligo fan at the same match.

You get more contact in an old-time waltz at the old-folks' home than in a National League final. - Pat Spillane

The first half was even, the second half was even worse. - Pat Spillane reflects on an Ulster Championship clash.

Meath players like to get their retaliation in first. - Cork fan in 1988.

Meath make football a colourful game - you get all black and blue. - Another Cork fan.

Ah yes, the career of the Gaelic footballer can end in a flash. Just ask any Roscommon player. - Keith Duggan on Roscommon's nude pool playing.

That's the first time I've seen anybody limping off with a sore finger!
- Armagh's Gene Morgan to 'injured' teammate Pat Campbell.

We're taking you off but we're not bothering to put on a sub. Just having
you off will improve our situation. - Manager to a club player in Derry.

I warned the boys they couldn't go through the league unbeaten, and, unfortunately, they appear to have listened to me! - Art McRory after losing a league match with Tyrone.

In terms of the Richter scale, this defeat was a force 8 gale. - Meath fan after the 2001 All-Ireland final. [You'd think a Meath fan would know the difference between the Richter scale and the Beaufort scale, since the latter was devised by a Naaavan man!]

I'm going to tape the Angelus over this. - Meath fan after recording the same match.

My Dad told me you were the man that lost the All-Ireland for Tyrone! -
Young fan to Iggy Jones.

(Reporter interviews Kevin Moran on TV after the 1978 All- Ireland
final)
Reporter: How's the leg Kevin?
Kevin Moran: It's fuc..... it's very sore.

He's as useless as a back pocket in a vest. - Kerry fan on Colin Corkery.

Colin Corkery is deceptive. He's slower than he looks. - Another Kerry fan

I think Mickey Whelan believes tactics are a new kind of piles on your arse. - Disgruntled Dublin fan

Q: What's the difference between Paddy Cullen and a turnstile?
A: A turnstile only lets in one at a time. - Kerry fan after Cullen conceded five goals in the 1978 All-Ireland final.

Fermanagh has such a small playing base. Half the county is made up of
water and half of the remaining half are Protestants. - Fermanagh fan
bemoans the paucity of talent.

The rules of Meath football are basically simple: if it moves, kick it; if it
doesn't move, kick it until it does. - Tyrone fan after a controversial All-Ireland semi-final.

John Maughan given up football. He's just become Mayo manager. - Sarcastic Galway fan.

Q. What do Kerry footballers use for contraception?
A. Their personalities. - Cork fan.

A Kerry footballer with an inferiority complex is one who thinks he's just as good as everybody else. - John B. Keane

Life isn't all beer and football: some of us haven't touched a football in months. - A Kerry player during the League in the early 1980's

I love Cork so much that if I caught one of their hurlers in bed with my missus, I'd tiptoe downstairs and make him a cup of tea" - the late Joe Lynch, actor.

"We've won one All-Ireland in a row!" - Wexford fan in 1996.

"The toughest match that I ever heard of was the 1935 All-Ireland semi final. After six minutes the ball richocheted off a goalpost and went into the stand. The pulling continued relentlessly and it was 22 minutes before any of the players noticed the ball was missing" - Michael Smith.

"Sylvie Linnane would start a riot in a graveyard" - Tipp fan on the Galway legend.

"I'm not giving away any secrets like that to Tipperary. If I had my way I wouldn't even tell them the time of the throw-in" - Ger Loughnane.

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On the Field and Off …
Galway GAA Phrase Book
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