Is there ne'er a man left in the County Wickla' willing - or worthy - to wear the county jersey, An Fear Rua enquires...

This thought is prompted by AFR's visit to the latest GAA website making its debut on the Net. It's the site promoted by O'Neills International Sports Company, the famous Dublin manufacturer of GAA replica jerseys, as well as makers of apparel for what GAA stalwarts used to call in the old days 'foreign' games - the likes of Soccer and Rugby. (As one of the Gowlnacalley-John Redmonds wide boys quipped one night in the back 'shnug' of Ma Molloy's drinking emporium... 'Rugby is a gurriers' game played by gentlemen, while soccer is a gentleness' game played by gurriers...')

As a pioneer of superlative GAA commentary on the Web, An Fear Rua welcomes the advent of other sites committed to supporting our national games. O'Neills go back a long way with the GAA, and both have benefited exceedingly well from the relationship. Charles O'Neill - 'Mr. O'Neill Senior' as he was known to the girleens in the Cash Office - founded the company in Dublin in 1918, when - as AFR's old college pal Brian O'Nolan used to say - 'it was neither popular nor profitable'. It took no little courage to set up a GAA sports gear company at a time when the outcome of the Great War was still in doubt, when the first Dáil had not even been elected, let alone set up, and before even the first shots had been fired in the Anglo-Irish War of Independence. Much has changed in Ireland since 1918, but O'Neills and the GAA are still going strong.

A look at the O'Neills web site tells us a lot about the GAA of today, and indeed, about O'Neills themselves. The site is cleverly built around a map of Ireland with the jerseys of each of the thirty-two counties hovering roughly over the relevant geographic location. It features a number of fetching male and female models displaying the replica jerseys to good effect. However, An Fear Rua has spotted a number of glaring anomalies:

For starters, only a female models the Wicklow jersey ! What class of a comment is this by O'Neills about the footballers of the Garden County? Is this a not-too-subtle way of saying they're only a bunch of 'oul wans'? Could it be that not a man in the County Wickla' could be found to don the blue-and-gold? Of course, the way Wickla' have been playing these past few years, it's hard to blame the lads for staying in the pub while the picture was being taken. Lock-the-referee-in-the-booth is a game more to their liking in parts of Wickla', rather than gaelic or hurling.

The couple in the Fermanagh picture are snuggled up close. The only problem is they're both wearing Limerick jerseys !! Maybe they put on the wrong jerseys in some confusion in the dark?

And, of course, the twosome in the Limerick picture are wearing a Limerick jersey or - sorry - is that a Fermanagh jersey? AFR wishes O'Neills would make up their mind. How could they tell the difference anyway? Or maybe it doesn't matter, since we won't be seeing much of either county in action in 2000 anyway.

Even more worryingly, in the Kildare picture, 'she' has turned into a man ! At least, that's what it looks like. Or maybe down Kildare way the two species don't look much different from each other anyway? Indeed, that would explain a lot about what goes on in the 'Lilywhites' county. Maybe Kildare could do a deal with near neighbours Wicklow and loan them one of the lads for their picture?

The traditional green-and-gold of Kerry is modeled by a fine looking couple, who look like they're either going to - or coming from - one of those fancy 'B and Bs' out on the Muckross Road in Killarney: 'Dun Roamin' or 'Chez Jacqui' or some such place. Their jerseys are described as 'Official Replica Jerseys'. An Fear Rua believes Seán Walsh and the other decent members of the Kerry County Board will be surprised to hear this, since they are under the impression they have given the official franchise for their jerseys to Adidas, one of O'Neills main rivals. Indeed, the Adidas lads and lassies might have something to say on the matter as well.

Still, AFR believes it's an improvement on the first time O'Neills advertised their jerseys on the Web - that was on the 'Irish News' site - when they failed to include Kerry at all, and ended up creating a 31-County Ireland ! Obviously, commonsense has since prevailed.

A glance at how other counties fare on the site is also amusing. For example, the shoulder-to-shoulder stance of the models wearing the Antrim jersey would suggest they've just had a lovers' tiff. Maybe it's some remark he's just passed about the need to delete Rule 21 and let the RUC and British Forces join the GAA. While the Tyrone male model is relaxed and smiling, the Armagh man looks like he's just been told he's been dropped from the Junior B panel for not trying hard enough in training. An Fear Rua believes some of the lads and lassies up around Nobber way won't be too happy with the surly, strapping pair sporting the Meath jersey. Was it something Graham Geraghty said to the them?

Some counties come over as real 'smilers' - for example, Down, Leitrim and Roscommon, while others can hardly crack a smile. These include Galway and Waterford (counties that usually have plenty to smile about, dar leis an bhFear Rua). Whether tis' something to do with the Midland waters, or what, counties there go to the other extremes, with both the Offaly and Laois pair entwined in ways that might cause Offaly hurling trainer, Michael Bond, to exclaim -as he did to the Faithful county team on their first night in training - 'Brostaigí !!'. In the pictures accompanying counties like Donegal and Sligo, the fella looks as if he's asleep, but if you had to watch either of those two counties playing, you might nod off as well.

Still, don't just take An Fear Rua's word for it. If you have a minute or two to spare, why not point your browser at the O'Neills site and take a peek at www.oneills.ie Who knows?... You might end up ordering one of those Extra Large Wicklow jerseys, as worn by their voluptuous Lady footballers, to impress your friends...