An Fear Rua yields to no one in his respect for the office of Uachtarán na hÉireann and that includes the current incumbent Mrs. Mary McAleese. That is why he was perturbed some years ago about a delicate matter that arose from the President’s attendance at yet another Mayo v Galway Connacht senior football final in McHale Park, Castlebar....

From the days of the diminutive Seán T Ó Ceallaigh right through to Dev's day and the ill-fated sojourn of Cearbhall Ó Dálaigh, AFR has been a sometime privileged visitor to the Áras, to give advice - if asked - on great affairs of state or, simply, to reminisce on the old days. An Fear Rua was on the lawn outside the Áras on that wonderful day in the Summer of 1961 when the Chief himself tutored King Baudouin of the Belgians in the finer arts of lifting and striking a sliotar. No one had briefed the Belgian security entourage that a 'weapon' of this type was to be produced in his Majesty's presence and An Fear Rua and a couple of strapping Branch lads had to restrain a couple of the Belgians (former paratroopers from the Congo, no less!) from intervening to prevent the King's head from being whipped off.

Though blind as the proverbial bat at the time, Dev showed his fifty years or more representing Clare in the Dáil had not been wasted, when he lifted the ball easily and sweetly, sending it towards one of the Áras gardeners who had to scuttle out of the way with what must have been his shears in his hands...

Thus, the reports from Tuam, in County Galway, of the conditions that faced an tUachtarán for a Galway v Mayo Connacht Football Final were nothing short of a national disgrace and an insult to her office. An Environmental Health Officer from the Western Health Board inspected the grounds and found that it was unsanitary and partially infested with rats. Conditions were so bad in the ladies and men's' toilets that an entire block had to be demolished over the next six months. On three inspections of the stadium, no maintenance person was available to clean the toilets.

The ladies toilet under the stand - where her Excellency would have to go to 'spend a cent' - were in a totally unsanitary condition, with blocked toilet bowls. In this toilet, along with other locations, there was evidence of 'rodent infestations' - in other words, rats and mice! In Ainm Dé, asks An Fear Rua, can this actually be happening in a GAA "stadium" (God Bless the Mark!) in this day and age? Was it for this that our forefathers, Davin and Cusack (manfully supported by Croke himself) set up this great organisation to lead our people out of sporting bondage? Even Gowlnacalley-John Redmonds have skillfully adapted an old Keenan Brothers of Bagenalstown hayshed into a facility for Fir agus Mná na hÉireann.

Of course, some of An Fear Rua's more perceptive readers might aver that this would not be the first time rats were spotted at a provincial final. The former Taoiseach, Bertie Ahern TD was once dubbed 'The Rat in the Anorak' by that great Galway woman, Máire Geoghegan Quinn. Ahern frequently occupied pride of place in the Central Council's 'box' at Croke Park. Indeed, Máire has the build of a woman who would be well able to handle a 36" hurley and her penchant for ground camogie (pulling hard on the ball, as it were) will be fondly remembered by GAA aficionados in parts of the West. She is a credit to the good Mercy nuns in Coláiste Mhuire, in Tourmakeady, County Mayo. Just ask Frank Fahy or Eamon Ó Cuív and they'll tell you!

What plans did the Connacht Council have in place should her Majesty... sorry, her Excellency, wish to answer a call of nature? (That reference to her Majesty must have been what the Final Year Psychology lads and lassies in UCD call a Freudian slip). Perhaps An Fear Rua was thinking of the celebrated news item in the old 'Freeman's Journal' on the visit of Queen Victoria in 1901. Some older readers may recall that, due to a compositor's 'typo', her Britannic Majesty was reported to have pissed – rather than passedover Butt Bridge, in Dublin, to the acclaim of throngs of her loudly cheering loyal subjects.

But back to Mrs. McAleese. For example, was it planned that she be surrounded by the members of the Connacht Council - with their backs to her, of course - while she performed her ablutions? An Fear Rua understands that another great leader, Cleopatra, employed a similar technique while bathing in asses’ milk in the presence of her strapping Nubian slaves. But what would Mr. McAleese - himself no slouch when it comes to GAA matters - think of such an arrangement? This was no way to treat a woman like Mary McAleese who gave such sterling service to the people of Northern Ireland before her elevation to the highest office in the land. There's no way the Connacht Council would have dared treat that great Mayo woman, Mary Robinson, like that - because they know she wouldn't put up with it!

Mention of herself reminds An Fear Rua that perhaps another Mayo native who served in high office might have been called in to advise the Connacht Council on their dilemma. Who else, only 'Pee' Flynn himself...?

An Fear Rua was on the lawn outside the Áras on that wonderful day in the Summer of 1961 when the Chief himself tutored King Baudouin of the Belgians in the finer arts of lifting and striking a sliotar.