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Content Zone
Fri 10-Mar-2006 20:36
More from this writer..
Soap Opera
Episode 24: ‘The Funeral Supplement’ Fifth Anniversary Table Quiz
With Sean ‘Broc’ Brosnan’s removal over, The Sportsmans Inn is teeming with tables of four awaiting the questions of ‘The Funeral Supplement’ Fifth Anniversary Quiz…
Among the tables to watch are:
Table 1.
Myles Borris, Seamus O'Superdump, Fenton Long and Mick Doran
Table 3
. MJ, DJ, JJ and Flossy Lambert
Table 4.
PJ and TJ Lambert with their girlfriends Yvonne Murtagh and Cathy Dillon.
Table 6.
Father Cúl, Father Liathróid, Father Iomáint and a mystery woman!
Table 9.
’Fist’ Flynn, ‘Farah’ Farrell , ’The Turnip’ O’Connell and Mary O'Connell.
The MC Father Funeral takes to the floor ...
"Now Folks you're all very welcome to the Funeral Supplement’s Fifth Anniversary
Quiz. Do you all have answer sheets and pens?"
"Yes Father.."
"Well let’s start so!”
“We're going to start on a ‘Dead or Alive’ Round. Just write down ‘dead’ or ‘alive’ ...
"Question 1. Bill Bixby Dead or Alive?"
"Who.... Can you repeat that?"
"Question 1. Is Bill Bixby Dead or Alive?"
Down at table 3 …
"I'd say he’s alive" says MJ, "Well, If he’s dead I'll kill ya! ..."
"Question 2. Derek Davis Dead or Alive?"
"Question 3. Julio Iglesias Dead or Alive?"
"Question 4. Boris Yeltsin Dead or Alive?"
"Question 5. Charlie Landsborough Dead or Alive?...are ye still with me?"
With round one finished the sheets for round two are handed out...
"
"Now as we tot up the scores from Round one, we'll give you all a sheet of paper.
Has everyone got the Round Two answer sheets?"
"Right, in this round we need you to ‘Match the Cause of Death’ ....
A: John F Kennedy 1. Farm Accident
B: Bart Fitzgerald 2. Car Crash
C: James Dean 3. Heart Attack
D: Princess Diana 4. Farm accident
E: Jimi Hendrix 5. Shot dead
F: John Denver 6. Shot dead
G: Rocky Marciano 7. Plane Crash
H: Marvin Gaye 8. Plane Crash
I: Glenroe’s Biddy Byrne 9. Choked on own vomit.
J: Francie Fanning 10. Poisoned
“Now, folks, I'm sure you're dying to know who’s in the lead…
After one round Table 1 are on 10 points, tables 3,6 and 9 are on 9 points, it’s all on the board beside me…”
“ Now, ladies and gents, before we go for the General Knowledge round, I have a spot prize of a £10 voucher for Guthries Butchers of Main Street Ballinamaor,
for all your meat needs,
to give away. The first person to come up here and hum ‘The Dead March’ will win the prize, graciously given by Guthries Butchers of Main Street Ballinamaor,
for all your meat needs.
After an unseemly scramble, with chairs and women’s’ legs sprawling everywhere, ‘Spud’ O’Dea grabs the mike and goes:
“dum dum de dum dum de dum, dum dum de dum dum de dum..”
“Well done Spud! Beautiful rendition! Here’s your £10 voucher for Guthries Butchers of Main Street Ballinamaor,
for all your meat needs.”
“Thanks very much Father”
“Now, folks, back to business… It’s Round Three! Now don’t forget to put the team name and round number on the answer sheet.….
Question 1. When was the longest altar list of the dead in Knockmult?
Question 2. Whose was the first funeral in Ballinamaor after they put in the new
roof?
Question 3. Who - according to Garda records - got the largest attendance at a funeral in Knockmult?
Question 4. Who starred in the film “Dead Man Walking?
Question 5. To the nearest ten, how many graves are there in Knockmult cemetery?
Question 6. Who stared in the film "To Die For"?
Question 7. “The Dead Pool” was a movie in which series?
Question 8. Who said Francie Horan’s funeral mass?
Question 9. Death Valley is in which US state?
Question 10. Who wrote the book “The Dead”?
I’ll repeat the questions…”
**************
Meanwhile in the Gents’ toilet Father Cúl is on his mobile…
“Are you sure that’s the answer? Great! Now who wrote the book ‘The Dead”?……
***********
While all this is going on Father Fleming is driving back from his secret meeting with His Lordship the bishop and has just picked up a new set of navy jerseys… with a new sponsor on the front…
Knockmult Parish
Sunday Masses 8, 9.30 and 11
Weekdays 9.30
Baptisms first Saturday of the month.
Phone: 0243 1234524
Next week in ‘Loose Chippings’:
How will the Quiz finish? …Will the phone cheats be rumbled ?…Will the Missioners turn around Knockmult’s hurling fortunes? ….And, you never know, we might even hear the legend of ‘Bog’ Dillon’s buried biscuit tin.… and lots more…
Full Cast of Characters
‘We talk just like lions, but we sacrifice like lambs…’.
Whatever Happened to….
Anyone you know in your club?
Bin Tags Don't Make a County
‘Some a’ Dem’ Lads are only Dow-en for the Showers….’
Heavenly Hurling: How the Gods pass their time...
GAA Time and Real Time
Saint Patrick and the camogie princesses
Keats and Chapman at the Munster Final
Mass, the Mater, ‘The Dergvale’ and Mullingar…
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