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Topic: Friday Joke!
Old Stock (159 Posts)	Posted: 03-Aug-2012 16:05	Quote Edit Delete Report Post Post Reply
Old Stock (159 Posts)	A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve. "Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
cityoftribes (3,030 Posts)	Posted: 03-Aug-2012 16:11	Quote Edit Delete Report Post Post Reply
cityoftribes (3,030 Posts)	Originally posted by Old Stock: A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve."Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!" Was the blonde Jason McAteer by any chance? Sounds very like a story oft told about an incident during the 94 World Cup.
professor (8 Posts)	Posted: 03-Aug-2012 16:20	Quote Edit Delete Report Post Post Reply
professor (8 Posts)	A man and his giraffe walked into a bar and immediately began drinking heavily after about 2 hours the giraffe passed out across the counter......when the bar was closing the man went to leave without the giraffe but the bar tender saw him and shouted,"Hey you cant leave that lyin there".....the man turned around with a puzzled look on his face and said," but sure thats not a lion!!!"
OneLeggedDancer (3,520 Posts)	Posted: 03-Aug-2012 17:19	Quote Edit Delete Report Post Post Reply
OneLeggedDancer (3,520 Posts)	A duck orders a beer and sandwich and the barman - naturally intrigued - starts up a conversation. The duck tells him he's a blocklayer working on a site just down the road and the pair strike up a friendship over the following days. A stranger comes in one day and explains that he owns the circus that's just arrived in town and that he's developed the practice of hitting the local bars to see if there's any talent that may interest him. The barman tells him about the talking blocklaying duck and the guy gets very excited and tells him "The next time he comes in tell him I have a job for him that will pay him a fortune". The barman tells the duck about the man and the job offer and the duck asks "A circus you say?" "Yep" "You mean with one of them big tent things?" "Yep" Thoughtful silence - "And what the fcuk would he want with a blocklayer?"
Hitch (3,644 Posts)	Posted: 03-Aug-2012 17:38	Quote Edit Delete Report Post Post Reply
Hitch (3,644 Posts)	A couple go into a restaurant and order a meal. When the waiter brings out their soup course they notice he has his thumbs stuck in both bowls. Being English, they are reluctant to complain, so they shrug and laugh it off. “Would you like anything else?” the waiter enquires. “We have some excellent lamb shank today.” They both order lamb shank, so the waiter goes off and comes back with two plates of lamb shank. Once again they notice that the waiter’s thumbs are in the gravy. Again, they let it go. “Would sir and madam like any desert? Our special today is apple pie,” says the waiter. “Fine,” they reply. The waiter returns with his thumbs stuck in the custard. By now they have just about lost their appetites but are still reluctant to force a confrontation. “Would you like some coffee?” asks the waiter. They nod, and he returns with his thumbs stuck in the cups of coffee. By now the man can no longer restrain himself: “I say, what the hell’s going on here? Every time you have come to this table you’ve had your thumbs stuck in our food!” “I’m terribly sorry, sir,” mumbles the waiter. “I’ve got an infection and my doctor told me to keep my thumb in a hot, moist place.” “Why don’t you just stick it up your árse?” “That’s where I put it when I’m in the kitchen.”
Kobe Shefflin (265 Posts)	Posted: 03-Aug-2012 17:46	Quote Edit Delete Report Post Post Reply
Kobe Shefflin (265 Posts)	A man walks into a bar. He's got a massive alcohol problem that's crippling both him and his family.
OneLeggedDancer (3,520 Posts)	Posted: 03-Aug-2012 17:58	Quote Edit Delete Report Post Post Reply
OneLeggedDancer (3,520 Posts)	"I'll have 5 shots of Jamieson". The barman assumes the guy is waiting for his buddies, lines up the shots, puts the bottle back and turns just in time to see him polishing off the last short. "I've never in my life seen a man drink whisky so fast!" "You'd drink it like that too if you had what I have". "Oh, I'm sorry. And what do you have?" "About 64 cents"
Time!!! (901 Posts)	Posted: 03-Aug-2012 20:37	Quote Edit Delete Report Post Post Reply
Time!!! (901 Posts)	The majority of the Irish participants at the Olympics.
frasiercrane (1,843 Posts)	Posted: 03-Aug-2012 20:39	Quote Edit Delete Report Post Post Reply
frasiercrane (1,843 Posts)	Originally posted by OneLeggedDancer: "I'll have 5 shots of Jamieson". The barman assumes the guy is waiting for his buddies, lines up the shots, puts the bottle back and turns just in time to see him polishing off the last short. "I've never in my life seen a man drink whisky so fast!" "You'd drink it like that too if you had what I have". "Oh, I'm sorry. And what do you have?" "About 64 cents" Brilliant
staycalm (1,081 Posts)	Posted: 03-Aug-2012 20:56	Quote Edit Delete Report Post Post Reply
staycalm (1,081 Posts)	What do you call babies conceived in whorehouses??? Brothel sprouts

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