Can anyone name the GAA county board that has managed to do what even Cromwell in his worst days never even tried to achieve, that is, to reduce Ireland from 32 counties to a mere 31, enquires An Fear Rua.... Even the boyos of the UVF or the UFF wouldn't have the neck to try on something like that.

Generations of GAA fans have grown up on the myth of the Sam Maguire being contended for by thirty two counties. But, thanks to the geniuses of the Kilkenny County Board, nothing could be further from the truth. Once again, these people have decided not to field a county team in the Leinster Senior Football Championship. At the stroke of a biro, they have achieved what Cromwell never dared to hope for - the elimination of an entire Irish county!

They should be ashamed of themselves, asserts An Fear Rua. Followers of the Decies in Gaelic football had to endure much ribbing after the Kingdom's drubbing of the Gentle County by 3-26 to 0-4. (This is the result that gave rise to the comment from the Kerryman listening to 'Sunday Sport' on Radio Éireann who thought 3-26 was a time check, rather than a score!) But, at least Waterford fielded a team, made the effort and competed. Fair dues, too, to the footballers of New York and London (the 33rd and 34th counties, respectively) who gave good accounts of themselves against Mayo and Galway.

At least counties like Waterford haven't forgotten what the GAA is all about - pride of parish, pride of county, pride in the jersey. Even still, young fellas in parts of West Waterford are still lulled to sleep at night with stories of the county's defeat of mighty Kerry in the Munster championship of '57 and even more distant memories of the county's Munster championship victory in 1898. The cynicism of the Kilkenny County Board should not go unpunished. Major GAA Counties should not be allowed to dine a-la-carte from the provincial championships, says An Fear Rua. In other words, there should be a bare minimum of competitions that every county should be obliged to enter, on pain of being eliminated from all the others. Senior hurling, senior football, minor hurling and football and Under-21 in both codes, these are the essence of any county's participation in provincial championships. Unless a county fields teams in all of these categories, they should be debarred from taking part in any of the others. In other words, if the beloved 'Cats' hurling team's participation in the Leinster championship was contingent on the county's footballers also appearing, you can be sure fifteen to twenty Kilkenny men and true would be found to don the black and amber jersey. Who knows, they might even get drawn against their Carlow neighbours and defeat them by 98 nights training to 97, in a replay? (See An Fear Rua # 10 for this ingenious new method of deciding provincial championships).

An Fear Rua is familiar with the charms of Kells, Stoneyford, Windgap, Graiguenamanagh, Dunamaggin, Inistioge and other footballing strongholds of Kilkenny. These are places inhabited by decent people who think D J Carey is some class of a fancy dan footballer with Manchester United or some such, or maybe some class of an actor in d'Abbey Tee-Ayter, beyond in Dublin. Like their taste in tea and 'lahrge bottles a' stout', these are people who like their football straight, tough, with no frills attached. It is not fair to them that their sons should be denied the chance to wear a Black-and-Amber jersey and that they should be denied their chance to cheer them in a provincial championship game. If Offaly, for example, adopted a similar narrow-minded attitude, would not both hurling and Gaelic football be the poorer for it?

It can't be that hard to find a panel of footballers to wear the Kilkenny jersey. Anytime Gowlnacalley-John Redmonds were short of a few players on a Sunday morning, we just pulled the team bus up outside Ma Molloy's licensed establishment. After a few pints, most of the lads had no problem rolling on to the bus and donning the famous purple and cream stripes of Gowlnacalley. Could the Kilkenny County Board not draw up a bus on the Sunday of a provincial championship game, in the same way, outside a couple of the pubs in Dunamaggin and thus field a team.

At least that would be better than disappearing of the map of Ireland altogether...