The GAA and the Government have opened up confidential negotiations on a new programme to be called ‘The True Gael Lifestyle’, usually reliable Croke Park sources have told An Fear Rua…

The programme will be announced shortly by the Taoiseach, Aul Super Dub Himself, Bertie, and the President of Dis Great Asshowsheeayshun Of Ours, that ineffably decent man, Seán McCague. The idea is that every member of the GAA, and every supporter, if possible, would sign a Pledge to purchase goods and services only from companies who sponsor GAA teams, thus being seen to lead ‘The True Gael Lifestyle’.

The idea was first kicked around, if you’ll excuse the expression, during half time at the recent Kildare v Meath Leinster senior football semi-final by Kildare’s No.1 Supporter, Minister for Finance, Charlie McCreevy and some high-ranking GAA officials who were with him in Bosca na hArd Chomhairle. Though, if a Kildare man was involved, it’s more likely the idea was hand-passed around, rather than kicked. The programme was seen as one practical way the GAA could show its appreciation of the IR£60 million so generously donated by the Charlie and the Government recently for the completion of Croke Park. The Minister is also understood to be increasingly perturbed about an impending slowdown in the so-called Celtic Tiger economy and sees this programme as a surreptitious way of organising a ‘Buy Irish’ campaign without – once again – drawing down the ire of the Brussels Eurocrats around his ears.

A source close to GAA President Seán McCague told AFR they estimated that even as little as IR£500 switched to Irish companies through the programme, by each of the GAA’s 500,000 members and supporters, could result in a 1% annual increase in Gross Domestic Product. ‘We believe our people could live a very full and satisfying lifestyle without ever having to venture outside our own GAA sponsors’, the same source said.


A glance at the list of major GAA sponsors suggests this may be a realistic option. For example, if you want to build, renovate or otherwise fit out any kind of premises you can rely on Stone Developments (Carlow, football), Tegral (Kildare, football), Tracey Concrete (Fermanagh, football), Ballymore Properties (Roscommon, football), W J Dolan (Tyrone, football), Kingspan (Cavan, football), Masonite (Leitrim, football), and Clifford Electrical (Sligo, football). Certainly, there should be no problem getting a ‘GAA’ builder across wide swathes of the Midlands and Ulster.

Nor will you will have no shortage of excellent venues for your holidays. Choose from the Longford Arms Hotel (Longford, football), Greville Arms Hotel (Westmeath, football), Lake County Hotel (Westmeath, football), - why has Westmeath two ‘hotel’ sponsors ? - Abbey Hotel (Donegal, football), Canal Court (Down, football) and Moran’s Red Cow Hotel (Limerick, hurling). And followers of ‘The True Gaelic Lifestyle’ will eat well, if nothing else, with the best of produce from companies like these: Avonmore (Kilkenny, hurling), QK Meats (Laois, football), Meadow Meats (Laois, hurling), AIBP (Louth, football), Kepak (Meath, football), Carroll Meats (Offaly, hurling), Wexford Creameries (Wexford, hurling) and Kerry Group (Kerry, football).

Your drinking needs would be well catered for as well – a nice wee drop a’ Bushmills (Antrim, hurling) or (if you’re Dr Mick Loftus) a bottle of fizzy orange from Finches (Tipperary, hurling). And, although not a ‘county’ sponsor, Guinness would have to be included in the programme because of their sponsorship of the All Ireland hurling competition. For similar reasons, Bank of Ireland and Allied Irish Banks would also be included, so no problem in getting an overdraft or mortgage if you’re a ‘True Gael’. You’d also have a choice of rival phone companies: Eircell (Clare, hurling) or Esat Digifone (Cork, hurling).

The farming community would be well looked after … They could avail of the services of the many building contractors in the scheme, as well as agri-specific sponsors like Gain Feeds (Waterford, hurling) and Genfit (Mayo, hurling). Want to eat out ? No problem! Supermac’s (Galway, hurling) is the answer or one of the many premises where the food is prepared on Tommy Varden Catering Equipment (Galway, football). Arnotts (Dublin, football) and Staunton’s Intersport (Mayo, football), will cater for both formal and sports clothing needs. Sponsors of the Derry hurlers or the Armagh footballers can supply other requirements, like fuel and insurance.

It’s believed that after an initial pilot programme nationally, ‘The True Gael Lifestyle’ programme will eventually be introduced at club and parish level, thus benefiting local businesses as well as the better-known national GAA sponsors. The campaign will involve special TV and radio advertising, billboards, posters, badges and tee-shirts as well as a special e-commerce web site where ‘True Gael’ goods and services may be securely purchased over the Web. Members will receive a special ‘True Gael’ plastic card entitling them to discounts when doing business with GAA sponsors.

However, it’s understood this imaginative plan to look after GAA fans ‘From the cradle to the grave’ has hit a major snag. There is no undertaker included among the major GAA sponsors! A Croke Park source said it would be very disappointing for many people to live a ‘True Gael’ lifestyle only to be literally left down at the end by someone who not a sponsor of De Asshosheeayshun. Frantic background efforts are being made to make one of the existing county sponsors step aside to allow an undertaker come on board. Obvious candidates would by the replacement of Kepak in Meath by Paddy Fitzsimons, of Navan, a widely respected undertaker, long prominent in the famous Navan O’Mahonys club … or O’Connor’s Funeral Homes in the North Main Street, in Cork or – more likely – Dublin undertaker, Rom Massey, whose commercial touch recently saw him introduce the concept of a cheap cardboard coffin tucked temporarily inside a more imposing oak outer box. The cardboard coffin goes into the flames of the crematorium while the oak exterior goes on to be carried another day.

Once this crucial ‘do or die’ aspect of the programme has been finalised, expect to see an early joint announcement by the GAA and the Government …