It’s the eve of the game and having found out that, due to a clerical error, Knockmult are in the hurling rather than the football championship, Father Fleming is frantically ringing round looking for hurls, sliotars and helmets.
“Andy , you heard about the football, did you?”
“It’s hurling?”
“Yeah that’s it. Any idea where I’d get a few hurls before the game?”
“I do, but I wouldn’t like to be seen with the owners?”
“Who are you on about?”
“Put it this way father, they wouldn’t be baiting sliotars with them.”
“I get you Andy I get you. Who though would I get in touch with?”
“Are you sure now you want to get involved with that crowd, Father?”
“Yes I am, things are that desperate. After a day trawling the Parish all we have is three hurls, a few helmets and a cricket bat.”
“OK so, things are bad. Try ringing Sean O’ Saorstat in Ballinamaor.”
“I will so”.
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After the meeting in The Sportsman’s backroom, a partnership has been formed. The Sportsman’s still has an Undertaker’s licence and business is to be resumed. As a young fella Gerry had served his apprenticeship there, only to find the lure of the pen too much.
The business died out as nobody was bothered with it, but now it is to be resurrected.

“Why?” asked Father Funeral when the proposal was first brought up.
“Well Father, you can throw business our way. Now as you know I’ve just got the job doing the deaths on Fluke FM (The local radio station). So I’ll get the deaths and funeral arrangements quicker than our rivals. I’m also thinking of going out on my own with the Funeral Supplement. A weekly publication. Now I’ll have big ads for the our Undertakers in it! We’ll have the whole market sewn up!”
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Having got in contact with Sean O’Saorstat , Father Fleming has spent the night taking nails out of hurls. By the time the team are assembling Father Fleming has mustered 20 hurls and a few helmets.
“Now lads any of you hurled before?”
“Yes, as a child on my uncles farm when we were on holidays.”
“No”
“Never”
“Nearly Never…”
“Right so” says Father Fleming.
After further enquiries Father Fleming has worked out that…
Eight players had never held a hurl before,
Eight players played in primary school,
Three played on secondary school teams
and that the newly returned to the panel ‘Shower’ Kennedy had hurled for Monaghan.

The thoughts are racing around Father Flemings mind. “Who to play where? What tactics?”
*****************************
The team arrives in Stumpstown Gaels ground, Glensodden park.
In the dressing room Father Fleming names the team:
1. PJ Carroll
2. Fist Flynn
3. Anchor Murtagh
4. MJ Lambert
5. TJ Lambert
6. Band Tully
7. Rio O’Rielly
8. Shower Kennedy
9. Catch Keating
10. JJ Lambert
11. Turnip O’Connell
12. Happy Halligan
13. Flash Hennessey
14. Father Fleming
15. Mush Moloney

“Now lads, if ye get the ball get it to Kennedy, he’s the lad that will do it today. Give it yer best, show some pride in the Knockmult jersey….”
*****************************
They run onto the field… the ref throws in the ball… and Knockmult’s season has begun.

It’s helter skelter stuff, wild swings missing the ball, sliotars being kicked up the field only to be returned with interest…

Five minutes gone and Knockmult are still holding out for a scoreless draw. Then, after a momentary lapse of concentration, Stumpstown score 2-6 without reply. Shower Kennedy, Flash Hennessey and Anchor Murtagh have all retired injured. Local TD and club chairman 56 years old, Andy Dowd is roaring them on from the sideline. It’s too much for him. He drops his trousers, takes off the shirt grabs a jersey and hurl and brings himself on for the cramp-ridden Catch Keating. Andy grabs a ball in midfield, turns and strikes it high towards the goal, the Stumpstown goalie is leaning against the post chatting to the Umpire, he sees the ball too late and Knockmult have a goal!

Another three points from the TD and a goal from sub Rudi Weiss has Knockmult going in 2-6 to 2-3 down at half time…
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Meanwhile Mick Doran is finding it hard to keep the Travellers on Guthries Field…
“You’ll have to get a court injunction to make us stay…”
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Next week in ‘Loose Chippings’: Will Knockmult scrape a win? …. What’s Gerry going to call his new ‘go-it-alone’ newspaper … And – who knows - maybe even a new plot line…